Author: Rebecca Yauger

Becky is a writer and blogger. She's a three time contributor to various Chicken Soup for the Soul books and writes about real friendship and relationships, and all the ties that bond us. She's the former Web Manager and Vice-President for ACFW (acfw.com). Becky is a proud wife, mother, grandmother and 3-time cancer survivor.

Find Your Footing – While Living in Limbo

Here I go again…changing my mind. I had written a blog post already, but something was holding me back from publishing it. There’s nothing wrong with the post. It just doesn’t feel like the right time.

There are so many questions in this world of uncertainty, and too many unknown answers. Are we getting out too soon? Will there be another serious outbreak of Coronavirus? Will we have to live this way the rest of our lives?

While there’s a bit more hope, with things opening up again,  there’s still an aura of trepidation. So, the cloud continues to loom over us, even when there are occasional peeks of sunshine.

As someone who likes to focus on the sunshine, there are times when the clouds overwhelm, and I just can’t muster that positive spirit.

It’s like we’re all caught in limbo and can’t seem to find solid footing again.

I hate being in limbo! I like to make a decision and move forward. Even if I make a wrong decision, you can still deal with the consequences or aftermath of that. But being in limbo feels like you’re in a wind tunnel, being batted about like a rag doll, with nothing to grasp on to so you can find solid ground.

So, what to do with these uncertain days?

Well, I don’t mean to sound cliché, but I think we try to control what we can control and leave the rest up to God. Yeah, much easier said than done. And believe me, I’m not much of an expert at the moment.

I definitely have my down days. I have my drift days, as I like to call them. Days that drift by and I haven’t accomplished anything.

But right now, I don’t want to drift. It’s important to stay focused. Whether you’re working from home or not. If you’re out of work, or have time on your hands, isn’t it a good time to learn something new? Do the project you’ve been putting off? Learn a new skill? Go back to school? (On-line universities are great!). Or get back to your old hobbies that you haven’t made time to do. I like crocheting, and am still doing that. Currently, I’m learning new crochet stitches, and am making scarves using what I’ve learned. (Yep, as we head into summer, it’s a perfect time to make winter scarves! Hee hee).

I also love painting resin figurines. My granddaughter is inspiring me to paint again, as she likes to paint side-by-side with me. Besides creating special moments together, she’s helped rekindle my love for painting.

And like a lot of people, my weight has been fluctuating while we’ve been sheltering-at-home. So, I’m exercising more, and that helps a lot! I’m still snacking a bit too much, as I start to pay attention again to what I eat, that will settle down sooner rather than later.

Now, if you think I’ve just made these decisions and it’s all a breeze, well, you’d be wrong. I have to be intentional. And right now, being intentional can seem like too much of an effort. It’s not.

The other day, I had the blues for sure. Didn’t feel like doing anything. But I had a healthy to-do list, so I prayed, then made myself sit down and tackle that list. It wasn’t easy. But as I crossed more things off, I got into a groove, and that felt good. To accomplish something felt good. I didn’t feel like exercising either, but I did, and it turned out to be a good exercise day. I was glad I put in the effort, and now I have more motivation to keep going.

Our days are going to be uncertain for a while yet. And for me personally, I can’t keep living in limbo. So, I’m going to do what I can do, within the boundaries of my own little world. By doing that, maybe I’ll find my footing, and it will feel less and less like I’m living in limbo.

What about you? Do you have ideas on how to get through this time of uncertainty? I’d love to hear from you.

Let’s Lift Each Other Up (Video and Text)

This video was purely stream of consciousness, so please forgive the “um’s” and unusual facial expressions. I hope the overall message of being kind to one another is what really comes through.

 

Video Link: CLICK HERE

 

Text of Video:

Hey everyone, hope you’re doing well. It’s been a while since I’ve videoed with y’all and it’s because I haven’t been sure what to say. I mean this COVID-19 thing has everything turned upside down.

But we’re doing pretty well. I can’t complain. God is still blessing us in so many ways. And I know there are many, many others who are hurting or having a tough time, and right now it seems like when there’s finally hope on the horizon, that we’re slowly starting to reopen again, that a lot of people’s anxiety is just coming out now.

Maybe it’s the hope of the new things or the new normal. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown or the uncertainty of it all. I’m not sure. Part of me feels guilty because as I said my husband and I are doing pretty well. My husband calls that wasted guilt. And I think that’s true. We’re doing our best to help others.

So, if you’re in a good place where you can help others where you can contribute, where you can just be kind, do that. If you’re in a place where you’re hurting or you’re anxious, where the COVID-19 has hit you hard, then be prayerful that reach out.

There are others who want to help you who. There are others who want to walk along beside you. Just remember, we’re not alone You’re not alone. God’s still here, and God brings people into our lives to help each other.

Most important, let’s be kind. Let’s reach out to one another. Let’s get through this. Let’s find our new normal or find the old normal and figure it out together. Trust the path, whether you agree with things opening up or not. If you don’t agree you don’t have to go out and if you’re ready to get out and get out but please be safe.

Again, let’s just be kind to one another and help one another and lift each other up, we’ll talk to you soon. Take care.

Raising Step-Children: Not a Competition

Mother’s Day has just passed. In this age of COVID-19, many of us didn’t see our mothers face to face, but we all hopefully still found a way to honor them.

For me, I come at motherhood with a slightly different perspective. You see, I fell in love and married a widower with two children. Thankfully, that widower had been my high school sweetheart. But that’s a story for another day.

I never take for granted that those two wonderful children (who are now grown and married) were able to open their hearts and make room for a new mother in their lives. There were many days that were difficult as I tried to make room for them to grieve, to make it easy for them to share memories of their mother, and to keep their traditions alive while trying to create our own traditions and memories. It wasn’t always easy, but these two kids were worth it. No doubt.

The fact that they both honor me on Mother’s Day is a blessing. One I treasure immensely every year. And the fact that their late mother’s family also has welcomed me and accepted me is a gift, that I continue to marvel at year after year.

There were times while my kids were growing up, when things got tough, that I tried to think what their mother, or any mother, would want for her kids. My conclusion is that she’d want someone to love them, cherish them, and care for them. To show them as fierce a love as she would give them. That was my guide as I stepped into parenthood.

I’m not trying to pat myself on the back here. My point is twofold: first, to thank my kids, and thank their grandparents, for their love and acceptance of me. Trust me, it is a treasure in my heart.

And second, for all of us to remember what can happen when we open our hearts and let love in; when we quit drawing lines in the sand, and quit putting boundaries up that keep us apart. My kids still retain the love of their mother’s family. They still have their mother in their hearts. But they made room. They made room in their hearts for me, and for my family. And by opening up, knocking down the wall of grief, they received a whole new batch of people to love them. Their family just grew. No one “replaced” anyone else. More people were added into the mix to love them.

And I received a new branch of the family as well, with my kids’ grandparents, and aunt and uncles, and cousins.

If you’re in a step-family, second marriage, have children from one parent and another — keep the walls knocked down. Don’t draw lines in the sand.

Raising children is not a competition.

It truly is amazing what happens when you tear walls down and let love in.

 

Got Grace?

While we strive to have “Fierce Faith,” we know there may be some off-days ahead. Days where you are tired, sad, restless, anxious – just not feeling yourself. And despite our unprecedented pandemic circumstances, you can be tough on yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a world-class champ when it comes to beating up on myself. I’m definitely harder on myself than I am on anyone else. So, on the days when I fall a little, where I’m anxious or restless, or even flat-out angry, I need to remember one word: GRACE.

We are all going through difficult times right now, and although most of us have been shelter-in-place for a bout a month now, there’s still this sense of no routine, of being off-kilter. The world hasn’t righted itself and we still don’t have a complete sense of normalcy, or what a “new” normal might look like.

Currently, I’m trudging along day-to-day, but everything feels “off.” There’s a sense of uncertainty in the air, and it’s uncomfortable, at best. So, yes, we’re going to have bad days, that’s a given. We’ll have mood swings for no apparent reason, and maybe even take out those moods on our spouse or family.

But that’s where our daily prayer time can come in – just a moment or two of quiet time (I know, those of you with small kids will find this nearly impossible). We need to take time daily to center ourselves, and every day we need to extend GRACE, not only to others, but to ourselves.

These are strange days, and our emotions may surprise us or get the better of us. Just let it go (yes, I’ve watched “Frozen” one too many times with my granddaughters!). Extend grace to others, but mostly to yourself. Take a deep breath and begin again.