Author: Rebecca Yauger

Becky is a writer and blogger. She's a three time contributor to various Chicken Soup for the Soul books and writes about real friendship and relationships, and all the ties that bond us. She's the former Web Manager and Vice-President for ACFW (acfw.com). Becky is a proud wife, mother, grandmother and 3-time cancer survivor.

The Weight of It All

Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve talked how we look at ourselves, and watching our words. Today, I want to explore the inside instead of just the outside of beauty.

What else prevents you from liking what you see when you look in the mirror? Are you dragging around mistakes that belong in the past? Or carrying the weight of shame or something that makes you feel unworthy? Or unlovable?

There are times when I look back on my life and I’m embarrassed. Some of the decisions I’ve made and some of the mistakes I’ve made have created a little ball of shame that I carry deep inside. There were times I walked in darkness instead of trusting my own gut, or more important, trusting God. If I go down memory lane to the darkest places, then I start beating up on myself all over again. I let shame overcome me.  And it can stop me in my tracks. The weight of my past can be too much to bear.

That weight of my past is not what I want to carry. Today, if I go down memory lane, I want to remember how blinded I was then, and find a way to keep my eyes open now. I want to see that I’ve come out stronger on the other side.

Here’s the deal. We all make mistakes. We’ve all had shameful times in our lives. It’s what you do today that counts.

There’s something that my small group at church has talked about. It’s this: The rearview mirror is really small and the windshield is really large. That’s just a way of saying, don’t look back. What’s in front of you is bigger, and hopefully, better than it is now.

Don’t misunderstand me. Sometimes there are consequences for our past mistakes. We can still be dealing with those consequences long after we’ve made the mistake. But, by looking ahead, instead of behind you, you can make an impact.

It’s what you do with your life right now, with how you are facing each day that matters, and that makes you beautiful. What can you teach someone else because of what you went through? How can you shine the light of hope, because of what you went through? How can you be beautiful on the inside as much as on the outside because of what you went through?

As you may know, my faith is a big part of who I am. I believe that when we ask for forgiveness, then God wipes the slate clean. A lot of times, we’re the ones hanging on to our failure, our mistake, our shame. How we rise from that mistake shines brighter than anything. We can share the light of forgiveness, and in turn help someone else.

It’s what we do with the lessons we learn that make the difference and can lighten our load.

It’s important to forgive ourselves. To love ourselves. To shed that weight of shame and of past mistakes. Focus on who you are today, right now. And on what you can become, and what you can do.

Quit dragging around any of that weight of the past. Our slate has been wiped clean.

Today’s a new day. And it’s a great day to start again.

It’s time to rise and shine!

I Failed…I didn’t Watch My Words (Video and Text)

The link below is to a video following up on last week’s “How do we talk to ourselves when we look in the mirror?” Apparently I wasn’t paying attention to my own words.

Video Link: I Didn’t Watch My Words

Here’s the text from the video:

Hi Everyone. Thank you for the great response to last week’s video on
“Watching your Words,” on how we talk to ourselves when we look in the mirror.

Before we move on, apparently, I need to go back and watch that video again.

This past weekend our granddaughters were over, and we were all playing out in the backyard. Before I go on let me give a shout out to my oldest granddaughter, who apparently likes to watch Grammy on these videos. So, hi Daphne! Grammy loves you.

Anyway, Daphne and her little sister were over and we’re all playing in the backyard and then afterwards my daughter posted some pictures on Facebook. And I saw one picture of me, and immediately started criticizing how fat I looked and how big I looked.

My husband stopped me and he said, “Is that all you see?”

My beautiful granddaughters

I sheepishly said, “Well, no. I see our beautiful granddaughters.”

And he said, “I see a Grammy out there kicking the ball with her granddaughters.”

And he has a point. I was out there playing with them and running around and kicking the ball. I wasn’t sitting on the sidelines.

But it shocked me how quickly and easily I fell back into the self-criticism mode of talking badly about myself after looking at one picture. Even when you’re watching out for how you watch your words, how you talk to yourself, you can slip back into the negative cycle.

We all have value. We all have a purpose, and the purpose of that day was me being a good Grammy. They didn’t care that I looked fat, they were glad I was out there participating.

So, I’m back to the drawing board, I need to watch my words and watch how I talk to myself.

Now, did I fail because I had this lapse? No, but it is something you need to pay attention to… I need to pay attention to. It can happen so easily.

So, we’re back on the cycle of positivity. We’re back on the cycle of I have value. And I have a purpose, and I have a meaning. And if I’m so unhappy with how I look, then I could go out and do something about it. So, stop the negativity.

Today’s the day to choose joy, and to believe in yourself and to believe in your purpose.

How Are You Talking To Yourself? (Video plus text)

The link below is to a video about how we talk to ourselves, whether we’re negative or positive.  If you don’t have a few minutes to watch the video, the text of it is also below.

Video Link: How Are You Talking To Yourself?

Video Text:

There’s a subject that keeps coming up in different ways and I think it’s time to talk about it. We’re a culture these days of  “It’s all about the outside”. Women are striving to have a youthful appearance, have the perfect hair and the perfect body. Men don’t want to be balding or have the beer belly paunch. There’s nothing wrong with looking the best we can. But when we start obsessing over it, I think that’s where it can lead to trouble.

Let me ask you a question: How do you talk to yourself? When you look in the mirror in the morning, are you making a face? Are you beating up on yourself for not having perfect hair or, being the perfect weight? Are you chiding yourself because those pants don’t fit any more? Look at these lines on my forehead!

Listen to your words. Are you in a cycle of negativity about how you speak to yourself, and about how you see yourself? Are you picking on yourself?

When I started thinking about this for me, I realized I made a lot of jokes at my own expense. You know, I’ll make a joke about my bad hair day or my chubby thighs. And the more I paid attention, the more I realized how often I did that, how often I belittle myself, even through a joke. And I shouldn’t be doing that. I am God’s child. He created me.

I wish we could see ourselves the way God sees us. It doesn’t matter that we’re not the perfect weight, whatever that is. Or the most beautiful person in the world, whatever the definition of beauty is. Or the perfect size, whatever that is.

Are you looking at culture’s definition of beauty? Or are you looking at God’s definition of beauty? There’s a big difference there.

I am not perfect. But I am a unique creature. I am God’s daughter. And it’s okay for me to have my gray hair, and to have laugh lines, and yeah, even to have chubby thighs. But it’s not okay for me to belittle myself or to shoot myself down. You wouldn’t do that to your best friend, so why would you do to yourself? Why would you do that to God’s creation?

We’re going to talk more about this in down the road, but for the next week or so, do me a favor. Listen to yourself as you talk to about yourself. Are you belittling yourself? Are you in a cycle of negativity? If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself.

Watch your words. Try to get into a cycle of being positive. Take care of yourself. And we’ll see you next time.

Beauty is Much More Than Skin Deep

For some time, I’ve wanted to write about how negative we are to ourselves, how we pick on ourselves and how we don’t love who we are as we are. Recently, not one, but two other bloggers have broached this topic, and they’ve written about it so much better than I could’ve done.

PLEASE do yourselves a favor and visit these blogs:

From Mess to Masterpiece

 

 

The Ongoing Battle With Beauty

 

 

Hopefully, down the road, we’ll talk about the cycle of negativity, but until then, I’m headed back to bed to fight this sinus cold. Take care everyone.