Category: choices

Strive to be a Fuddy Duddy

Sometimes I feel like an old fuddy duddy. I shake my head at the excessive violence, gore, and sex in movies and on TV shows, and the sensationalism of the evening news. I wonder about the moral compass of our youth. Goodness, when did I turn into my grandparents? Am I becoming out of date, out of fashion and obsolete? That can’t be! I’m too young.

Yet, my concern about the content of TV and movies has me re-watching films from my younger days, and retreating into re-runs of the Carol Burnett Show. Were times really simpler then? Perhaps.

But I think the real truth is that times haven’t changed as much as I have.

I’m different now. I no longer want to have a bunch of sex, violence, and bloody gore thrust in my face. Trust me, my imagination’s good enough!

I try to pay attention to what I fill my head with, from the books I read, to the music I listen to, and yes, all the way, to TV and movies. Okay, okay, I’m far from perfect. I still have my guilty pleasure movies and “trashy” TV shows that I like to watch.

But all of this does give me pause. What are we filling our heads with?

Are we so embroiled in the negativity of the news, militant websites, or angry social media posts that only continue to enflame our anger and negative attitudes. Yes, there’s a time to be angry on occasion, but are we so consumed that we’ve lost our joy? Have we forgotten all of the positive things in this world? Have we forgotten how to be kind?

We’re so busy finding the dividing line, looking for a way to tear each other down, instead of building each other up.

To me, it really does make a difference what you fill your head with. You may not even notice your own negativity or anger. It almost becomes habit.

So, call me a fuddy duddy and call me old-fashioned because I don’t want to jump on the latest binge-watching trend.

Again, I’m far from perfect, and have my media weaknesses in spades. But I certainly strive to be aware when my viewing or listening choices cause more anger, depression or negative thoughts.

At this time more than ever, we need to be filled with compassion and kindness for one another. To find ways to agree to disagree and build each other up.

How about you? Do you have tips for kindness and positivity? Do you think the media influences you more than you realize?

 

 

Linking Arms: Stronger Together

Last summer was difficult in many ways, with the pandemic and a nation divided. Closer to home, the issue was a major health crisis with my parents; one had the health issue, and the other had to helplessly watch their spouse decline, then fight back. It was a challenging, life-changing time, especially for Mom and Dad. Thankfully, they’re both doing pretty well today, although things changed permanently for them.

A few of my cousins at a recent reunion (nope, this isn’t all of us!).

During the midst of this crisis, my cousins were dealing with the passing of their father, my dad’s brother, my uncle. His passing wasn’t completely unexpected, but I’m not sure that made it any easier.

The pandemic made my uncle’s funeral service smaller than what we normally would’ve done. And my parents most assuredly would’ve been among the few that would have attended. My husband and I were with my parents during this time, and I didn’t feel like I could leave them then either. It was a grim time all the way around, to say the least.

I’m part of a very large family, that thankfully, is a pretty tight bunch. Every other year, we have a “cousin reunion” that is filled with more laughter and love than we deserve. So, for all of us to be separated and not able to be together in person was heartbreaking.

However, when I was speaking to my cousin as he was making funeral arrangements with his siblings, we spoke about how difficult it was to be apart while we each were dealing with our individual trials. He then said something that has stayed with me all these months later. He said that we’re all linking arms and getting through this together. The visual image of my cousins all linking arms was an amazing one, and has resonated with me ever since. We couldn’t all be together when we wanted to be, but we could symbolically hold each other up.

I’m personally not always good at reaching out to others, but when I think about “linking arms,” it makes it easier to ask for help when needed.

How about you? Have you linked arms with someone recently, or is there someone you can reach out to and support?

We need to remember that we’re stronger together.

Are You on the Hamster Wheel?

Why is it I struggle so much at the beginning of the new year? The new year is supposed to bring a promise of great things, a new beginning, a fresh start. I’m excited and awakened to new possibilities. Yet, it’s not too long into January, where I find myself floundering….already. It’s so discouraging!

You’ve heard it said that most new year’s resolutions fail before January is over. Another study says by the second week of February. In other words, resolutions are difficult to keep. I don’t necessarily make resolutions, however, I do set goals and try to go after them with a renewed vigor. But like last year, when I felt like I was being batted around like a ball in a pinball machine, this year, I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel, spinning faster and faster, and never getting anywhere. It is frustrating. I can see how easily the “new” from the new year wears off, and the gray days of winter overtake us again. Then like I said, I’m back to floundering, and frustrated…. And any other f-words you can think of, like freefalling. (And shame on you if you went “there” with the f-word – grin).

In looking at my January flounderings, I wonder if I get too overwhelmed at the prospect of all I want to accomplish in a year. You’ve heard the joke about eating an elephant? You can only eat it one bite at a time. Like many of us I believe I look at the entire elephant, and think there’s no way! Not even in bite-sized pieces. Once you’re overwhelmed by looking at the entire elephant, or the entire year before you, it stops you in your tracks. You give up, say there’s no point, and chuck your planner in the trash.

There’s one the key thing to remember when you reach this point: STOP! Stop beating up on yourself. Stop looking at the entire elephant, and focus only on what you need to do next.

Get off the hamster wheel, and tackle what needs to be done today and only for today. How do you do this?

For me, time management is usually my problem. Knowing this, I’m going to try to schedule my days better. Go back to the basics: Make a list. Then do the next thing. I’m not going to worry about tomorrow’s list, or beat myself up for what didn’t get done on yesterday’s list. I’m only going to focus on the next thing. If I get interrupted, then I adjust my schedule. Sounds simple, right? What if you don’t know what should even be ON the list? Well, I’m not sure I can help you there. But here’s a thought. If you can’t get specific with itemizing a list, what about blocking off chunks of time to work on a certain project? Then another block of time will be devoted to the next project?

If you get interrupted within that block of time, then shift it to another day (making sure you have some flex in your schedule to shift to).

This concept is from one of my writing groups, where the author blocks off her writing time, then blocks off family time, then has exercise time, etc. She leaves one day free in her week in case something does need to shift. This all makes sense to me, and that’s how I’m scheduling my days.

I’m not sure how it’s all going to work out, but I have to try something. I want to get off this hamster wheel, and work toward my goals. Whether I succeed or fail, at least I can take the next step.

What about you? Are you floundering this year? Going in circles on a hamster wheel? What advice do you have for getting off the spinning wheel and making progress?

We Need a Time-Out!

2020 has been an unexpected year. No one could’ve predicted a worldwide pandemic, or riots, or the general unease and discontent of today’s world. It’s a frightening time overall, isn’t it?

Maybe we all need a time-out!

We’ve all had times that have been scary and times when we are overwhelmed with fear or anxiety. So, how do you find a way through a tough time, besides just gutting it out?

Recently a verse in Psalms from chapter 131, verse 2, struck me. It says, “I have calmed and quieted myself” (NLT). Or if you prefer NIV, “I have stilled and quieted my soul.”

On their own, those may not seem like life-altering, earth-shattering words that pierce to the depths of your heart. But they leap out at me as wise advice. Here’s why:

When I was 19 years old, back in my wicked youth, I had a boyfriend with a motorcycle. While returning from a wonderful picnic in the mountains with friends to celebrate my 20th birthday a few days early, we got into an accident. A pick-up truck turned right in front of us and we had no where to go except into the side of that truck. My right side hit the truck, bounced off, and my left side hit the pavement.

Ouch!

While I was waiting to be taken to x-ray, then surgery, for an obvious broken leg and a banged up shoulder, another patient was brought into the emergency room. I don’t remember what was wrong with her, but I do remember that she was hysterical! Not funny hysterical. She was terrified. She wouldn’t stop screaming. Her fear had completely overwhelmed her and the panic took over. I distinctly remember the doctors trying to calm her and saying they couldn’t help her unless she settled down. I even remember wanting to shout at her to be quiet so she could get help! Her hysteria was delaying treatment and relief.

When we panic, I think we cease to make smart decisions. I know it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. You can either be frozen in fear and not able to move at all, or you can scream hysterically, and prevent any action to propel you forward. Either way, you’re stuck in the same place.

When I think about Psalm 131:2 – “I have calmed and quieted myself”, I think that means we take a breath. We breathe in God’s spirit and strength. As Psalm 46:10 (CSB) says “ Stop fighting and know that I am God.”  You’ll recognize that verse as “Be still and know that I am God.”

We need to stop fighting the fear. We can acknowledge it, but we have to take a step forward into the next phase or we’re stuck. Fear does a good job of stopping us in our tracks. It can blind us with panic, so we can’t see what steps we need to take next.

I find that being still, calming myself, taking a time-out to breathe in God’s presence, can propel me to get through the tough stuff, or at least take that first baby step through the fear to get to the other side.

I’m listening to the message of these verses:  To be calm and quiet, to be still and stop fighting. And to KNOW that He is God and has all of this under control.

So, what’s stopping you these days? Do you need a time-out to talk with God?