Category: friends

The Wall that Divides Us

The world today is divided. I think we all recognize that.

The “us” versus “them” mentality is thriving. But let’s dig down a little deeper: define who is us and who is them? Who are we divided against?

There is so much division fueled by anger, that it’s difficult to let our voice be heard, but it’s also difficult to truly listen to someone else, to hear their point of view over all of the shouting and the anger. I want to listen and understand others, but is that even possible right now?

So many questions. And not many answers.

What can we do?

First, let’s be aware of any walls we’re building to keep out others. Who are we keeping out? Go back to “who is us” and “who is them.” Just because someone believes differently than you, is that a reason to shut them out? Are we doing this, building divides, without even realizing it? I think it’s become that prevalent in society so we don’t even get that we’re making the division worse.

Let’s start nationally: I’m a citizen of the United States of America. If friends or family have a different political affiliation than I do, does that mean I have to build a dividing wall between us? Absolutely not! Whether or not I voted for our current president is not relevant at this point. I want whoever is president of the United States to succeed, to do what is best for our country. We are called to pray for our leaders, and we need to do that, whether we agree with them or not.

Now, what about closer to home? I’m sure you’ve heard of divisions within churches, and

among people of the same faith. That makes me sad. As a Christian, we all believe in the same God. We all have Bibles, so it should be simple to love one another and treat each other with kindness. Yet somehow it isn’t.

And with our friends and neighbors? Yes, there are times I hold a vastly different opinion than even my closest friends. Does that mean I have to build a dividing wall between “us” and “them?” Really? I don’t think so.

1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT) says, “Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you

live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” The NIV translation says “…set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

The book of 1 Timothy was written by the apostle Paul to Timothy, who was a young leader in

the church. Paul wanted to encourage him. When this scripture says to be an example to all believers, do you really think Paul meant to ignore everyone else?

No, I think we’re called to tear down the dividing walls, whether we purposefully built them or not. I want to be an example to others in the way I live my life, in my hope and faith.

However, just because someone doesn’t believe the way I do, doesn’t mean I ignore them. We should listen to them, listen to their point of view, and learn things we may not have known before. If we look at things from their perspective, don’t you think we’ll find more common ground than not?

As a Christian, I need to be cautious not to put myself in a bubble with other believers and divide myself from those who don’t believe as I do. I think it’s more important to reach out, especially this day in age, and find the common ground. We need to go back to the principle of agreeing to disagree. In the long run, we’re all citizens of the world. We all long to have good lives and be part of a community of neighbors, friends and family. Despite our differences, don’t you think it’s time to really listen to one another….not argue, not shout in anger…but have real conversation? It’s time to tear down the walls that divide us. In reality, there’s no “them” – there’s just us. We’re all in this life together, so I don’t think we can truly afford to be divided from one another.

Questions for you: Have you built a wall dividing yourself from others without realizing it?

How do we bridge the gap with others who may have a different perspective than we do?

Going Against the Flow

I have a great group of friends. I’m very, very thankful for that. We can talk, laugh, and cry together.

Recently, an issue came up, and I discovered that I’m at odds with most of my friends. During a dinner discussion one evening with this particular group of friends, they asked me how I felt about this issue (and no, I’m not going to mention the specifics here). Well, instead of hemming and hawing and trying to deflect, because the discussion had already gone around the table, I chose to be honest with them. Although they are close friends, it was still difficult to open up because my opinion was different than nearly everyone else’s. I didn’t think I’d lose friends over this, but I also did not want to cause tension.

Guess what happened? Instead of tension, or even flippant remarks of how wrong I was, I received support and words of encouragement. Relief filled me.

I told my friends that I was glad for the open conversation, as it helped me learn more about the issue and to understand why my friends feel the way they do.

Holding a different point of view these days feels very strange, almost to the point of feeling isolated. You’re going against the norm, and like the cliché says, you’re swimming upstream.

That night of conversation makes me wish the world was more like this. Agreeing to disagree, respectfully, peacefully, and listening to all sides of the issue. When we listen to each other, we learn more. We learn about our friends, and while we all may not agree on everything, it does make a difference when you understand why they feel the way they do.

So, to my friends, I say thank you. Thank you for understanding, thank you for listening and respecting my point of view, as I respect yours.

Next time a friend expresses a view that’s different from your own, please listen to them. Try to understand why they hold that opinion, then have a quiet, respectful discussion. Who knows? You might find you have more common ground than you realize, and you might even learn something about each other, and yourself.

Simplify: Focus on faith, not fear

Simplify is a word that keeps coming up again and again. Right now, the world has turned upside down and we’re wrestling with the loss of freedom and control. This includes those who have lost their jobs or homes or loved ones.

For those who are trying to just make sense of world events or who are struggling with the confines of being at home, perhaps we need to look at sheltering at home as an opportunity.
Look, I’m not dismissing the seriousness of this pandemic, not at all. And it may not be easy to stay home. But I also refuse to run around with my hair on fire.

Right now, my husband and I are sequestered at home. We’re very thankful we both have jobs that allow us to work from home. So, while we’re here in this situation, I want to be productive, and instead of struggling with “can’t go to …dinner or go to the movies or go to church or whatever,” I want to focus on how to make the best of our current situation.

That goes back to “simplify.” Before the pandemic, my husband’s job kept him on the fast track, and when we did have time together, well, we both were distracted, and frankly, exhausted. Now that he’s working from home, he’s actually getting more done at his job – there are less interruptions!

Plus, like a lot families in our neighborhood, we’re out taking a walk most days. The TV isn’t on as much right now. And we’ve broken out our puzzle, which is currently spread (and finished since I first started writing this post) all over the dining room table.

While there is fear, uncertainty and restlessness right now, I’m doing my best to focus on the simpler things in life, like precious time with my husband.

For me, I try to pay attention to the simple day-to-day things. I feel closer to God, knowing I have to trust in him, that we have to be still. Be still and know that God is still here.

Follow-up Note: I wrote the above post over a week ago. I’m struggling with writing like I should be and struggle to get work done. I’m doing what I need to do, but I’m definitely not on top of my game. So, unless you think it’s easy to simplify and try to focus on just day-to-day stuff, it’s not. But I think it’s worthy to try.

I saw this quote attributed to C.S. Lewis recently, and it says, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” That inspires so much hope. Hope that things will be better once this pandemic is over. But also hope that we’ve reconnected with family and treasure our friendships, and have drawn closer to God with our faith and hope. So, while it’s a struggle some days, I still refuse to have fear overwhelm me. If I feel that happening, then it’s time to simplify again. Focus on day-to-day, on time with my husband, and knowing that God is still here and we’ll get through this.

Little Things

This summer seems to be filled with anger from an ugly political season and violence. Many people I know are also facing tough times, with health issues and tragic deaths in their families. For me, I’m just upset about computer problems. That may seem minor, but my entire job is on the computer and this time of year, having everything work is critical.

Ok, compared to what others are going through, I have no problems. However, all that to say is when you feel surrounded by sadness or anger, how do you battle through? How do you keep from being pulled into the pit of negativity? Life events may take us to negative places, but how do you not stay there?

For me, I find solace in little things. Admittedly, sometimes I have to look hard for the little things that are positive, but they’re there. The other night, in the midst of my computer frustration, a friend texted me. The conversation evolved from what I’m not doing to how to reach future goals. She lifted my spirits in unexpected ways.

Then the next day was just coffee and breakfast with a friend. Thinking that I really didn’t have time to be away from my desk, I felt rushed and hurried when I arrived to meet her. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to see my friend. But I was concerned about the timing of our visit. As always, God showed up then. That breakfast had good conversation, serious thoughts that moved to laughter, and a sweet morning of sharing. I’m so glad I took the time. It was the boost I needed to power through the rest of my work day.

None of this will solve the grief my friends are experiencing with tragic deaths of relatives, or help others with serious health issues. But friends, family, and little moments can help all of us get through one day to the next. Knowing friends are there for prayers and support are God’s way of saying “I still have this.”

So despite the turmoil surrounding us, we cling to our faith. God’s still got this. He has us! He’ll make a way for us to walk through these trying times.

I’m determined to cling to His promises and to look for the little things.