Category: gratitude

The Cancer Journeys: Blindsided by Emotions

I’m currently planning a series of blog posts about cancer, called “The Cancer Journeys.” This will be a series of posts about my journeys with cancer that are designed to give someone else hope and courage, no matter what you’re going through.

As I was gathering old journal entries and making notes of my thoughts, my emotions started going all over the place. I stopped, and told my husband, “My brain is full.” I got really sad, and, if you ask my husband, maybe even a bit prickly. 😉

It’s taken me a few days to sort through my emotions, and I’ve come to a startling conclusion: I’m angry! This surprises me, because I’m not very temperamental, and not the anger type.

However, right before Christmas, I had surgery, and from that surgery, the pathology showed I had endometrial cancer. This is my third time with cancer, and all three are different types. With this most recent one, before the hysterectomy, we weren’t even 100% sure that it was cancer. With my other two cancers, we already had the confirmed diagnosis and had an idea of what we were dealing with. This time, we didn’t.

It’s really strange to find out you had cancer after the fact. We caught it early, and no other treatment is required. It was almost over before it began. My first symptom showed up November 1st, and by December 21st, I was in surgery. It happened quick, and before I could blink, I was recovering from surgery.

Now, here I am, just over two months later, I’m recovered, feeling great, and back to my regular activities and life. But emotionally, maybe not so much.

As many of you may know, my husband and I were high school sweethearts, who ended up at different colleges, and eventually to different lives. We reunited and married 21 years after high school. Yes, we’re one of those couples. During those 21 years apart, my husband married and had children, then tragically lost his wife in a car accident.

Over the years, we’ve talked a lot about grief, especially how grief can blindside you. You can be going along, doing okay, then hear a song on the radio or smell her favorite perfume, and bam! Suddenly, you’re a puddle of tears.

I think there’s grief with cancer as well. Please know, I’m not equating the loss of a loved one with the loss of a body part or two. But there is a level of grief and emotion when you’re battling for your health.

Even if the immediate diagnosis, surgery, crisis have all passed, you can still be blindsided. Any traumatic event is going to leave a scab. And sometimes scabs get ripped open again and bleeds.

You know what? It’s okay to be emotional. I’m good at stuffing my emotions and putting on a brave front. But once in a while, you just have to roll with the punches. And this week, I’m acknowledging my anger at a third cancer diagnosis, despite the fact that all is well right now.

I won’t carry this anger around forever – that takes too much energy! But I need to acknowledge it, face it, then put it behind me as best I can.

God has gifted me with a glorious life. It’s time to get on with it!

How about you? Have you ever had emotions sneak up on you from a past event? How did you deal with it? I’d love to hear from you.

The Reality of Faith, Trust, and a Positive Attitude

www.TalkingAmongFriends.com - Rebecca YaugerI’m a big believer in having a positive attitude. I believe that your attitude can get you through life’s tough times….or it can defeat you.

But what happens when your world stops?

There are times in your life when your immediate world shifts on its axis, while the rest of the world moves on.

Right now, in the midst of the pandemic, there are many who are dealing with their own personal crisis: the death of a loved one, a scary diagnosis, the loss of a job, just to name a few. Their worlds have stopped, while the rest of us have continued on. It’s a strange place to be.

Today, my husband and I find ourselves in a life-halting situation. And it seems to be affecting our attitude about our jobs and our faith. It’s very disconcerting.

But as I’ve been thinking and praying and wrestling with this situation, I keep seeing a similar message via my Bible study, morning devotional, and even Facebook memes. It’s the overall message to trust God. He’s in control, He has a plan, and He’s walking with us.

While that message is comforting, it has also occurred to me that as much as I think I’m a faithful person, I have to ask the question: Do I really trust God?

Do I trust him only in times of crisis? Or do I praise him only in the good times and act like he’s deserted us when the tough times come? Aren’t we supposed to believe in Him 100% of the time? The easy answer is YES! But it’s not so easy all the time, is it?

I’m learning that God doesn’t want us to turn to him only in times of trouble, whether personal or world catastrophe. He wants us to turn to him in everyday life. Every day. Not just some days.

Times are hard right now, no doubt. I’m wrestling with the future, with difficult decisions that need to be made, and yes, I’m a little scared of what lies ahead of us. It looks like there are some tough days coming. But every day, I need to ask myself how is my attitude or my fear interfering with my trust in God?www.TalkingAmongFriends.com - Rebecca Yauger

Like I said earlier, I’m a big believer in a positive attitude. How we deal with the curve balls can make things easier or more difficult. A positive attitude, to me, stems from a positive faith in God.

Truthfully, I’m not all the way there with my attitude. Fear seems to be winning at the moment. Anxiety is clouding the way. So, right now, it’s even more important to get back on the path. To trust in God’s way. To allow Him to bring wisdom and peace. It may take me a little time, but I know I’ll keep pushing ahead. It takes a daily effort and a daily attitude check.

How about you? Do you have any advice on how to deal with tough times? Do you believe you’re trusting God always, all day?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Raising Step-Children: Not a Competition

Mother’s Day has just passed. In this age of COVID-19, many of us didn’t see our mothers face to face, but we all hopefully still found a way to honor them.

For me, I come at motherhood with a slightly different perspective. You see, I fell in love and married a widower with two children. Thankfully, that widower had been my high school sweetheart. But that’s a story for another day.

I never take for granted that those two wonderful children (who are now grown and married) were able to open their hearts and make room for a new mother in their lives. There were many days that were difficult as I tried to make room for them to grieve, to make it easy for them to share memories of their mother, and to keep their traditions alive while trying to create our own traditions and memories. It wasn’t always easy, but these two kids were worth it. No doubt.

The fact that they both honor me on Mother’s Day is a blessing. One I treasure immensely every year. And the fact that their late mother’s family also has welcomed me and accepted me is a gift, that I continue to marvel at year after year.

There were times while my kids were growing up, when things got tough, that I tried to think what their mother, or any mother, would want for her kids. My conclusion is that she’d want someone to love them, cherish them, and care for them. To show them as fierce a love as she would give them. That was my guide as I stepped into parenthood.

I’m not trying to pat myself on the back here. My point is twofold: first, to thank my kids, and thank their grandparents, for their love and acceptance of me. Trust me, it is a treasure in my heart.

And second, for all of us to remember what can happen when we open our hearts and let love in; when we quit drawing lines in the sand, and quit putting boundaries up that keep us apart. My kids still retain the love of their mother’s family. They still have their mother in their hearts. But they made room. They made room in their hearts for me, and for my family. And by opening up, knocking down the wall of grief, they received a whole new batch of people to love them. Their family just grew. No one “replaced” anyone else. More people were added into the mix to love them.

And I received a new branch of the family as well, with my kids’ grandparents, and aunt and uncles, and cousins.

If you’re in a step-family, second marriage, have children from one parent and another — keep the walls knocked down. Don’t draw lines in the sand.

Raising children is not a competition.

It truly is amazing what happens when you tear walls down and let love in.

 

Got Grace?

While we strive to have “Fierce Faith,” we know there may be some off-days ahead. Days where you are tired, sad, restless, anxious – just not feeling yourself. And despite our unprecedented pandemic circumstances, you can be tough on yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a world-class champ when it comes to beating up on myself. I’m definitely harder on myself than I am on anyone else. So, on the days when I fall a little, where I’m anxious or restless, or even flat-out angry, I need to remember one word: GRACE.

We are all going through difficult times right now, and although most of us have been shelter-in-place for a bout a month now, there’s still this sense of no routine, of being off-kilter. The world hasn’t righted itself and we still don’t have a complete sense of normalcy, or what a “new” normal might look like.

Currently, I’m trudging along day-to-day, but everything feels “off.” There’s a sense of uncertainty in the air, and it’s uncomfortable, at best. So, yes, we’re going to have bad days, that’s a given. We’ll have mood swings for no apparent reason, and maybe even take out those moods on our spouse or family.

But that’s where our daily prayer time can come in – just a moment or two of quiet time (I know, those of you with small kids will find this nearly impossible). We need to take time daily to center ourselves, and every day we need to extend GRACE, not only to others, but to ourselves.

These are strange days, and our emotions may surprise us or get the better of us. Just let it go (yes, I’ve watched “Frozen” one too many times with my granddaughters!). Extend grace to others, but mostly to yourself. Take a deep breath and begin again.