Category: survivors

The Look in Her Eyes

I recognized the look in my friend’s eyes. I could see beyond her smile and her hugs. Deep inside, I saw fear. Fear of the unknown she is facing, and the new path she’s now walking. You see, my friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.
I could see beyond her brave face, because I’ve been down that road myself…twice.

Our small group gathered around her and her family the night before her first chemo treatment, to pray for her. She was strong, and her faith was evident, but I think only someone who’s walked in similar shoes could see that particular look in her eyes – overwhelmed, fearful, but trusting, because it’s times like these where you need to trust God more than ever.

When you’re told you have cancer, before you can even comprehend those words, you’re suddenly whisked off for a battery of consultations, tests and scheduling.

Cancer barely penetrates your mind, yet it’s looming over everything you do from that moment forward. Your world has shifted upside down, and you’ve stepped on the roller coaster. And it can be quite the ride.
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Here is a picture of my husband and me where I can see “that look” in my own eyes. This was taken on a Sunday, on my birthday. We were having a great day, enjoy the celebration with friends. But the Friday before, I had been diagnosed with my second bout of cancer, and the next day, a new round of tests, doctors, and mapping out treatment plans was beginning. So, as I turned another year older, I knew that year was going to be challenging, and scary, yet I had my husband right by my side and my faith to guide me. But I still had that fearful look of not knowing quite what to expect, trying to hang on to faith, while facing an unknown, frightening path.

It’s the look I saw in my friend’s eyes the night we prayed for her.

While I’ve walked in similar shoes as my friend, her journey will be different. Everyone’s is. But I will walk beside her, and pray for her and her husband and family.

That’s all I can do, and trust that God will hold her like He’s held me.

The Need for Community

This blog is entitled “Talking Among Friends” for a reason.  I want it to be a safe place to talk about friendships, relationships and life in general.  Originally, this blog started out as “Rebecca’s Journey,” where I wrote about my experience with cancer.Friends Silhouette

After a while, I didn’t want to talk about cancer any more.  Life started again, and I wanted to break away from that dreadful disease.  Relationships are what matter in this life, whether it’s your relationship with God, your family, and your spouse and kids.

Sadly, cancer is still a fact of life for friends around me.  It’s much too prevalent in this world, and I’m sure we all know someone who has had cancer or even passed away from this awful disease.

A friend of mine is recovering now, and has finished all of her treatments of chemotherapy and radiation.  She’s finding her way back.  At a recent gathering of friends, her first in a long time, she said something that struck me.  In the midst of her treatment, all she could do was sleep and focus on getting through it day-by-day. During that time, she said she couldn’t even pray.

For those of us who can’t get through the day without praying, even sending up the so-called “arrow prayers,” then we know what a dark place she was in.

As her friends, we had been rallying around her as best we could, in whatever way we could. Mostly, by prayer, emails and phone calls.

She also said something else.  She said, “Others held me up when I couldn’t.”

Talk about the power of community and friendship!  She could feel our support for her.  When I was fighting cancer, I could also feel the prayers of many.   What a comfort that was and how helpful it was in my own recovery.

Can you imagine not having friends or any type of community around you?

When life throws us curve balls, or when you’re celebrating a joyous occasion, how would it feel to celebrate alone?  Or to face the darkness alone?

We all get busy with our own families and careers, but it is so important to take the time to find that community, that fellowship and friendships in which to share your life.

We all need to make the effort, me included, to reach out more or deepen the friendships with those already in our lives.

What are you doing to take the time for friends? To find that community?

 

What now?

Obviously, since I haven’t posted in a while, I’m not sure what to do with this blog any more.  I’ve talked a lot about my cancer experiences, and hopefully shared how faith, family and friends get you through that. I had a whole list of things to discuss on this blog, and you know what? I don’t want to talk about cancer anymore!  At least not right now.

I’m tired of cancer.  It’s been too big in my life, and now that I’m past all surgeries and all treatment, I want to put cancer in the past, too. I want to go back to being normal again. 
But what is normal?  The tag-line on this blog says “Living After Cancer – the New Normal.” Well, that’s true, this is a new normal.  Cancer changed everything, whether I want to admit that or not.  But I just don’t want it to dominate my entire life.
I’m very proud to be a survivor.  I love to encourage and give hope to others who are struggling with this awful disease or who have friends or family members in the midst of it.  But I’ve never been one to go to these fundraisers or 5K runs, and wrap a pink feather boa around myself indicating that I’m a survivor.  Please don’t get me wrong.  There’s nothing wrong about survivors proudly proclaiming that we’re still here.  We should!
I just don’t want to think about this disease every single day.  It may have changed me…and changed me more than my physical appearance, but it won’t define me.  Again, I don’t want to trivialize survivorship. Believe me, every day I look in the mirror, I see that I had cancer.  And my scars are a symbol of surviving.  However, my life is much more than “I had cancer.”

I don’t want to think about it anymore.  I want other things to dominate my life. Key words: my life. (not my cancer).  That life should be focused on my wonderful husband, fantastic kids, cheering on my daughter as she goes to graduate school, preparing for my son’s spring wedding in 2012…there’s so much more going on in my life.  Cancer isn’t here anymore.  Life is here!
Now I want to be a “normal” woman, whose biggest worry is complaining about her weight!
It’s time for life.

This blog has long been defunct. Probably because I didn’t have a topic or theme for the blog. Well, maybe now I do. And it’s a difficult one for me to write about. I don’t want to be a public person known JUST as a cancer survivor. I’m much more than that. I don’t want cancer to become my identity. However, there’s so many twist and turns on this journey through cancer, that maybe I should write about it. Maybe just to not feel so alone at times. I know there are many, many other survivors out there who have walked this road. Hey, and thank God there are so many survivors!! I like that! But it’s still an exclusive club that we’re in. A club we never wanted to join, yet here we are. I’ve been here twice now. Back on this journey, and I don’t want to be alone.
To clarify, I KNOW I’m never alone. As a Christian, I have my faith in God, and He definitely has been with me ALL THE WAY through this journey. No, I don’t understand why I got cancer twice. But I do believe that all things are used for God’s purpose. Maybe mine is just to reach out with love and with hope. Maybe I’ll never know the reason, but I definitely want to focus on moving forward and not back.
This blog was originally called Rebecca’s Journey. What a journey this life is! The theme of this blog is the “New Normal.” The “new normal” is what happens when your life turns upside down, and this you’re supposed to begin again — with many things being the same, but your perspective, and your physical health and looks being so much different.
Everyone reacts differently to having cancer, to getting through treatment, to surviving cancer. Surviving is a word I like to focus on. However, different we may react, only a fellow cancer survivor knows what this feels like at its core. Friends and family can understand, sympathize, and care for you like never before, but sometimes you want to scream: You don’t know what this feels like! But as long as those friends and family members allow you to scream, and still love you anyway, then I guess it’s all right.
I’ve screamed at God. I didn’t understand, and I certainly didn’t want this. But yet I know He’s been there by my side the entire time. Of that, I have no doubt. He’s shaping me, molding me into someone else. It’s obviously not just my physical body that’s being re-shaped. And hopefully, I can take this faith, and this experience, and turn it in to something good.
For now, I just wanted to say hello. Next time, we’ll go into my cancer history, so you’ll learn more about the road I’ve been on. Maybe together, we can share and care for each other, and still be grateful to be here!