talking – Talking Among Friends

The Wall that Divides Us

The world today is divided. I think we all recognize that.

The “us” versus “them” mentality is thriving. But let’s dig down a little deeper: define who is us and who is them? Who are we divided against?

There is so much division fueled by anger, that it’s difficult to let our voice be heard, but it’s also difficult to truly listen to someone else, to hear their point of view over all of the shouting and the anger. I want to listen and understand others, but is that even possible right now?

So many questions. And not many answers.

What can we do?

First, let’s be aware of any walls we’re building to keep out others. Who are we keeping out? Go back to “who is us” and “who is them.” Just because someone believes differently than you, is that a reason to shut them out? Are we doing this, building divides, without even realizing it? I think it’s become that prevalent in society so we don’t even get that we’re making the division worse.

Let’s start nationally: I’m a citizen of the United States of America. If friends or family have a different political affiliation than I do, does that mean I have to build a dividing wall between us? Absolutely not! Whether or not I voted for our current president is not relevant at this point. I want whoever is president of the United States to succeed, to do what is best for our country. We are called to pray for our leaders, and we need to do that, whether we agree with them or not.

Now, what about closer to home? I’m sure you’ve heard of divisions within churches, and

among people of the same faith. That makes me sad. As a Christian, we all believe in the same God. We all have Bibles, so it should be simple to love one another and treat each other with kindness. Yet somehow it isn’t.

And with our friends and neighbors? Yes, there are times I hold a vastly different opinion than even my closest friends. Does that mean I have to build a dividing wall between “us” and “them?” Really? I don’t think so.

1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT) says, “Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you

live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” The NIV translation says “…set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

The book of 1 Timothy was written by the apostle Paul to Timothy, who was a young leader in

the church. Paul wanted to encourage him. When this scripture says to be an example to all believers, do you really think Paul meant to ignore everyone else?

No, I think we’re called to tear down the dividing walls, whether we purposefully built them or not. I want to be an example to others in the way I live my life, in my hope and faith.

However, just because someone doesn’t believe the way I do, doesn’t mean I ignore them. We should listen to them, listen to their point of view, and learn things we may not have known before. If we look at things from their perspective, don’t you think we’ll find more common ground than not?

As a Christian, I need to be cautious not to put myself in a bubble with other believers and divide myself from those who don’t believe as I do. I think it’s more important to reach out, especially this day in age, and find the common ground. We need to go back to the principle of agreeing to disagree. In the long run, we’re all citizens of the world. We all long to have good lives and be part of a community of neighbors, friends and family. Despite our differences, don’t you think it’s time to really listen to one another….not argue, not shout in anger…but have real conversation? It’s time to tear down the walls that divide us. In reality, there’s no “them” – there’s just us. We’re all in this life together, so I don’t think we can truly afford to be divided from one another.

Questions for you: Have you built a wall dividing yourself from others without realizing it?

How do we bridge the gap with others who may have a different perspective than we do?

Going Against the Flow

I have a great group of friends. I’m very, very thankful for that. We can talk, laugh, and cry together.

Recently, an issue came up, and I discovered that I’m at odds with most of my friends. During a dinner discussion one evening with this particular group of friends, they asked me how I felt about this issue (and no, I’m not going to mention the specifics here). Well, instead of hemming and hawing and trying to deflect, because the discussion had already gone around the table, I chose to be honest with them. Although they are close friends, it was still difficult to open up because my opinion was different than nearly everyone else’s. I didn’t think I’d lose friends over this, but I also did not want to cause tension.

Guess what happened? Instead of tension, or even flippant remarks of how wrong I was, I received support and words of encouragement. Relief filled me.

I told my friends that I was glad for the open conversation, as it helped me learn more about the issue and to understand why my friends feel the way they do.

Holding a different point of view these days feels very strange, almost to the point of feeling isolated. You’re going against the norm, and like the cliché says, you’re swimming upstream.

That night of conversation makes me wish the world was more like this. Agreeing to disagree, respectfully, peacefully, and listening to all sides of the issue. When we listen to each other, we learn more. We learn about our friends, and while we all may not agree on everything, it does make a difference when you understand why they feel the way they do.

So, to my friends, I say thank you. Thank you for understanding, thank you for listening and respecting my point of view, as I respect yours.

Next time a friend expresses a view that’s different from your own, please listen to them. Try to understand why they hold that opinion, then have a quiet, respectful discussion. Who knows? You might find you have more common ground than you realize, and you might even learn something about each other, and yourself.

Listen Up!

I have no words these days. And for a writer, that’s not a good state to be in. If I had to dig for words, and face these words head on, I can think of two: anger and uncertainty.

For the past few months, we’ve been living in an uncertain world. The pandemic left us all in a state of limbo and fear, with our worlds turned upside down.

Now, we have this terrible video of the death of George Floyd. And our nation seems to have erupted with anger. Yes, we should be angry and upset and disheartened that the actions of a few have now tarnished the entire police force. And there is anger over racism that should have long been eradicated in this country. There are some serious and very difficult issues to face with our nation, and that feeds into our anger and into our uncertainty.

The media is continually showing us the worst side of the protests, which turned into rioting and looting. Rioting is not protesting. Looting doesn’t belong in this equation. Violence, especially started by outside, not local, paid organizations, is criminal.

Protesting for a change of attitude, to fight for needed changes of behavior and change of heart and professionalism are warranted.

Now, I’m a Caucasian Christian woman who lives in the suburbs of a major American city. And because of that, I feel like there are no words I could say that would not be misunderstood, or that would make matters worse. I’ve already seen a blanket condemnation of caucasians, that we don’t understand. And that’s true. But that doesn’t mean I’m not compassionate, or feeling, or sick to my stomach at what’s happening in the world.

We shouldn’t condemn the entire police force with a single brush, or think that all people of color are criminals, or that all white people are privileged.

Right now, I’m angry, hurt, fearful and uncertain. As a Christian, I turn to my faith and prayer. As an American, I’m not sure what other action to take, but don’t take my temporary inaction as not caring. I want to take helpful steps, not fuel the fires of anger and hate. I will be cautious.

Finally, I’m the proud daughter of a military officer. I’m a supporter of the police (NOT the bad apples), but the police men and women who care about the citizens of their cities. Anyone who condemns the police in general, needs to go on a ride along with them on one of their shifts. I’m not sure they do ride-alongs anymore, but I was able to go on one for a college paper. And it changed my world forever. That was many years ago, so I can’t imagine what the police face today.

I guess I’m saying there needs to be respect, on all sides of the table. There needs to be forgiveness. If you can’t forgive the four former police officers in Minneapolis, then forgive the rest of the police force, no matter where you live. Don’t taint them all with the same brush. Just like you don’t like being tainted with the same false brush.

The media needs to show more and more of the positive things that are happening. People of the United States of America, no matter what skin color, need to unite for change. Respect where we come from, what our points of view are, then find the common ground. I bet there’s more common ground than we realize.

It’s funny, right now, I’m thinking of something my dad always says. A lot of folks are interested in tracing their ancestry, where they come from. My dad doesn’t understand that. He keeps it simple and says, “I’m American. I was born here. This is where I come from.”

If you are a citizen of these great United States, you are an American. We need to find a way to be united. We need to find a way to have differing opinions, but not condemn others for having a differing opinion. We can learn from each other by listening to each other.

So, besides the words anger and uncertainty, maybe the greater word we need to remember right now is LISTEN. Let’s listen to ALL sides. Let’s learn from each other. The continuing anger won’t solve anything. We’re all heartbroken over the death of George Floyd. So, there’s common ground right there. We’re all outraged. But now, let’s come together to fight the systemic issue of racism. We can respect each other’s backgrounds and cultures, and celebrate those. But we also need to remember, we’re citizens of the same country. We need to prove that we are what our name says: United States. We need to be a united people.

The division among us doesn’t solve problems. Maybe listening to each other, with the attitude of respect and the expectation of learning from each other will help us unite for a better America.

Learning to be Silent

Lately I feel like my mouth is running ahead of my brain. There has been more than one occasion where I’ve regretted my words the second they were out of my mouth. Most definitely cases of speaking without thinking. I’m tired of opening my mouth and inserting my foot!

With this awareness, I’m trying to be silent. When I’m with my friends, I’m learning to sit back and just listen.

The other night, I carried this a little bit further. I kept the TV off! Now, I’m a TV watcher. And admittedly, sometimes I have the television on only for company and I’m not really watching it. Previously, when working in the broadcast industry, I got used to the background noise of the radio or TV station constantly on. If we accidentally went off the air, it really was a case of “the silence was deafening.” So, I’m used to noise.

Anyway, the other night, I hadn’t turned on the television, and never bothered to. My husband and I enjoyed the evening reading, and I started a new cross stitch project (now whether I finish that project or the several other projects I’ve started is a blog post for another time!). But you know what? I really enjoyed that evening. I relished in the quiet and really liked the silence.

As a Christian, I’m taught to listen to the still small voice of God. I read in a devotion that to tune into God’s voice, we must tune out this world’s noise. How can we do that if we’re focused on everything else but Him?

I’m not sure I heard God’s voice the other night, but I believe it was good to sit in silence. And if I’m prayerful the way I should be, who knows what God might say!

Have you ever done this – sat in silence? If not, try it! Turn off the TV, turn off the electronics. Just read, or knit or study something.

This is good practice for me to sit in silence with friends as well, and LISTEN. Truly hear what they have to say and not just think about my response. Perhaps if I thought more carefully before I spoke, then my foot would stay out of my mouth! I’m still learning to be silent, and to grow comfortable with silence. But so far, I think it’s something I need to do more often.

How about you? Do you like quiet? Have you taken time to shut off the electronics? Let me know how it worked for you.

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