I Feel Like A Fraud

Talkingamongfriends.com by Rebecca Yauger - I feel like a fraud post

I feel like a fraud.

Have you ever had those days where not much goes right, or you receive startling news, or well, you’re just having a bad day?

It’s during those times that we’re supposed to have faith, trust God, face things with a smile on your face, right? Yeah, well…(insert eye roll here).  I’m failing miserably at facing things with a smile.

I’ve had a tough couple of days and I’ve let out my frustration with anger and fear. Not being prayerful, not even calming down enough to take a breath and get a handle on the situation.

That’s not like me. As my husband and kids will tell you, I’m not one to yell. I don’t like arguments. If I’m upset about something, it’s best to leave me alone for a few minutes, until I can settle down and we can talk things through calmly. I don’t like harsh words spoken that we can’t retract.

As someone who has been writing about having hope and staying positive, well, I’ve done neither of those this past week. That makes me feel like a hypocrite and a fraud.

But I’m not. I’ve had a few bad days. I was thrown a curve ball and didn’t handle it well, but that doesn’t have to blow everything for me. It doesn’t mean God isn’t still working. And it doesn’t mean that I will continue to have bad days. It does mean, however, that I need to take a breath, calm myself, and dive right back into my faith, into Scripture and try to right myself.

We are living in uncertain times and I don’t know what the days or months ahead are going to look like. I have moments of trepidation for what the future holds for me. However, I don’t have to spiral down into a pit of despair, anger and frustration. I’m a flawed human being, and have emotions that get the best of me sometimes. But I’m not a fraud. I’m just human. And I can right the ship, take a breath and start all over again.

How about you? Do you have times where you don’t handle things well? How do you get back on track? I’d love to hear from you.

Got Grace?

While we strive to have “Fierce Faith,” we know there may be some off-days ahead. Days where you are tired, sad, restless, anxious – just not feeling yourself. And despite our unprecedented pandemic circumstances, you can be tough on yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a world-class champ when it comes to beating up on myself. I’m definitely harder on myself than I am on anyone else. So, on the days when I fall a little, where I’m anxious or restless, or even flat-out angry, I need to remember one word: GRACE.

We are all going through difficult times right now, and although most of us have been shelter-in-place for a bout a month now, there’s still this sense of no routine, of being off-kilter. The world hasn’t righted itself and we still don’t have a complete sense of normalcy, or what a “new” normal might look like.

Currently, I’m trudging along day-to-day, but everything feels “off.” There’s a sense of uncertainty in the air, and it’s uncomfortable, at best. So, yes, we’re going to have bad days, that’s a given. We’ll have mood swings for no apparent reason, and maybe even take out those moods on our spouse or family.

But that’s where our daily prayer time can come in – just a moment or two of quiet time (I know, those of you with small kids will find this nearly impossible). We need to take time daily to center ourselves, and every day we need to extend GRACE, not only to others, but to ourselves.

These are strange days, and our emotions may surprise us or get the better of us. Just let it go (yes, I’ve watched “Frozen” one too many times with my granddaughters!). Extend grace to others, but mostly to yourself. Take a deep breath and begin again.


The Burden of Unforgiveness

The link below is a video follow-up to last week’s post on “The Weight of It All.” (Text is below the video, if you only want to read). Just so you know, my father-in-law is a very wise man.

Image by Tereza Flachová from Pixabay

Find out more with this video link.

Here’s the text from the video:

Hi everyone.

Last week on TalkingAmongFriends.com, we talked about “The Weight of it All”, whether you were carrying around the weight of a mistake that you made in your past or the weight of shame across your shoulders. Well, my father-in-law saw that post. He’s a very wise man. And he commented that the greatest weight is the burden of unforgiving. And I completely agree with him.

If we hold a grudge against someone else, it’s not them we’re hurting. It’s us. We carry that around. It takes so much energy to stay angry at someone. And you’re carrying that on your shoulders – they’re not carrying it.

Then, if there are times when you can’t forgive yourself, what kind of weight is that on your shoulders? We’ve all made mistakes in the past. Some of us are carrying long term consequences from those mistakes, but it doesn’t mean you have to keep dragging them around. It’s how you live right now, today, that makes a difference.

Everyone can be forgiven. God will forgive you. Even if you’re not a Christian, He’s still there. All you have to do is ask Him for forgiveness, and He will. And then you can shed that weight from your shoulders.

Put down the shame of the past mistake. Forgiveness is the key. The time is right now. It’s the perfect time to start. Here. Today.

So, do it.



The Weight of It All

Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve talked how we look at ourselves, and watching our words. Today, I want to explore the inside instead of just the outside of beauty.

What else prevents you from liking what you see when you look in the mirror? Are you dragging around mistakes that belong in the past? Or carrying the weight of shame or something that makes you feel unworthy? Or unlovable?

There are times when I look back on my life and I’m embarrassed. Some of the decisions I’ve made and some of the mistakes I’ve made have created a little ball of shame that I carry deep inside. There were times I walked in darkness instead of trusting my own gut, or more important, trusting God. If I go down memory lane to the darkest places, then I start beating up on myself all over again. I let shame overcome me.  And it can stop me in my tracks. The weight of my past can be too much to bear.

That weight of my past is not what I want to carry. Today, if I go down memory lane, I want to remember how blinded I was then, and find a way to keep my eyes open now. I want to see that I’ve come out stronger on the other side.

Here’s the deal. We all make mistakes. We’ve all had shameful times in our lives. It’s what you do today that counts.

There’s something that my small group at church has talked about. It’s this: The rearview mirror is really small and the windshield is really large. That’s just a way of saying, don’t look back. What’s in front of you is bigger, and hopefully, better than it is now.

Don’t misunderstand me. Sometimes there are consequences for our past mistakes. We can still be dealing with those consequences long after we’ve made the mistake. But, by looking ahead, instead of behind you, you can make an impact.

It’s what you do with your life right now, with how you are facing each day that matters, and that makes you beautiful. What can you teach someone else because of what you went through? How can you shine the light of hope, because of what you went through? How can you be beautiful on the inside as much as on the outside because of what you went through?

As you may know, my faith is a big part of who I am. I believe that when we ask for forgiveness, then God wipes the slate clean. A lot of times, we’re the ones hanging on to our failure, our mistake, our shame. How we rise from that mistake shines brighter than anything. We can share the light of forgiveness, and in turn help someone else.

It’s what we do with the lessons we learn that make the difference and can lighten our load.

It’s important to forgive ourselves. To love ourselves. To shed that weight of shame and of past mistakes. Focus on who you are today, right now. And on what you can become, and what you can do.

Quit dragging around any of that weight of the past. Our slate has been wiped clean.

Today’s a new day. And it’s a great day to start again.

It’s time to rise and shine!